Why?
by Kang Xiu
Summary: Suboshi peice. This is from right after Amiboshi died. Suboshi's having trouble handling the terrible emotional situation, plus he had just learned about Tama's part in the death...


I do not own Suboshi. I wish I did. If I did, I'd reform him, give him a bunch of flowers, and SOMEHOW force him and Yui to be together. But, *sigh* I don't.   
  
Why?  
  
Now I know it's true, and I can't deny it anymore. He is dead. The only person in the world who cared about me. The only person I care about. I feel like I'm falling into a huge terrible black void. I guess this is what despair feels like.   
I know that I'm not a complete person anymore. It's strange, but he and I shared a soul, and now that he is dead, I'm not whole.   
I just want to lie down somewhere and never move again. I just want to die.   
The world is so terrible, and yet I could always find the hope to go on. Life was livable. I enjoyed every day, even the ones when we had nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep, because he was at my side. And he had promised to always be with me. He promised I would never be alone.  
But now he's dead. The wonderful person who supported my dreams, my love, everything, he is dead.  
All I can think is... WHY?? Why is this world so cruel to me? What did I ever do? All I've done is exist! And...  
How could they? How could those damn Suzakus just MURDER my brother like that? How could any person be so heartless and demonic as to kill someone who was everything? He was all I had...  
Oh, they may deny it like the cowards they are, but I felt it! We were linked in our souls, our minds, our bodies, our spirits. And I FELT HIM DIE!   
I felt the water pressing down on his lungs. I could feel all of the agony of death by water. I was the one who couldn't breathe. And even after he fainted, it went on for me until he was truly gone. I felt every moment of his death. I know all of the pain he went through as though I'd drowned instead. I know what happened to him.  
And I hate them!  
The one person I had in the world and I know how he died. I'll never forgive them! And especially not Tamahome. Nakago told me that Tamahome was the one who did it. I hate them all for standing by and letting him kill my nii-chan, but I hate Tamahome more than any of them, more than anything, because he was the one who did it. Nakago told me he held my nii-chan underwater until he died. I'm going to kill him!  
I want to die... but I want to kill Tamahome first!   
I don't care if they say I'm only a kid! I can fight! And I will! I'll never die until Tamahome is dead! I won't be beaten by anything! I can overcome anything! But I WILL destroy the monster who murdered my nii-chan.   
Nii-chan, I can't believe I let you die alone when I promised I would always protect you. You were all alone, and there was nobody who cared. They all just stood by and watched him kill you. And I? I was here. A hundred miles away. I wasn't there to make them stop. I was here, waiting for you to come back. Not worried at all. I can't believe you died alone.  
I'm still sinking into my deep gaping black hole of despair, and I'm scared. But I won't die, no matter how much I want to just give up without you. I won't die before I kill Tamahome.  
Nii-chan, why? Why does everyone leave me?  
Our parents left. But then you were still here. You were always here. Everyone left, slowly. Any friends we had died just like we might've long ago, if we hadn't had each other. Everyone was gone. But you were still here. Always here. I could always look over, and you'd be there.   
And now you've gone like all of them!!   
You're gone too... Aniki, I don't understand.  
Why do I always have to be alone?  
Why?  
Why...?  
  
Owari  
  
AN: I was trying to express the exact reason he hated Tamahome the way he did. Yeah, this is BEFORE Nakago told him that the best way to get revenge would be to kill Tama-boy's family the way Tama'd killed his family... *sigh* STUPID CREDULOUS YOYO-BRANDISHING PSYCHOPATH!!! GAHHHH!!! Why'd he listen to Nakago anyway? *mutter* idiot... 


End file.
